Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

July '09 Haikuthon by ~Elmara:iconElmara:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Haiku & Eastern




31
hai,
haiku.
I give up.

30
escapism:
chocolate chip ice-cream
with Johnny Depp.

29
wringing hands--
syllable counting
grows frustrating.

28
cleaning out old cds--
cringe at every
N’Sync album.

27
man smashes cola-glass
on table.
Breaks down; weeps.

26
passing along on
sweaty palms;
pharmacology flash cards.

25
wind-chime hanging glumly
upon humidity.

24
scratching forearm
scars
nonchalantly.

23
snatches of a foreign
melody
taking me back
home.

22
PoliceOfficerWalrusMan--
pants held up
against all reason.

21
late afternoon speeding;
next to me
Mum smiles.

20
re-reading
old emails;
I try not to call her.

19
sliding sitar song
singing
‘Wish You Were Here’.

18
bleached photos--
the sun finally
outshines you.

17
birthday cards
burning in
the waste bin.

16
her secret smile--
blinding from behind
rain-windows.

15
long hair,
sparkle of sweat;
strumming guitar chords.

14
mister intense--
headphones book-end his brain.

13
sunshine,  lemonade;
sampling summer on your lips.

12
inverse ocean
hung over Islamabad;
monsoon.

11
metal whale--
beached by the roadside.

10
Bloodlust dance!
mosquito
versus
me.

9
Remedial courses;
why did I not study before?!

8
YouTube voyeur;
sordid late-night confessions.

7
salt-crusted pores;
awaiting monsoon.

6
basketball moon;
midnight games
on asphalt.

5
Scottish Isles
wreathed in fog-
vacation dreams.

4
sedative library sounds;
your quiet breathing
keeps me awake.

3
switching table-lamp
on-off
on-off
on-off
over unread textbooks.

2
metallic slink;
his Rolex slides down
her pale wrist.

1
foot fetish-
salivating all summer long.
©2009 ~Elmara
:iconelmara:

Author's Comments

For July Haikuthon being hosted by `Iscariot-Priest

Stamp created by the wonderful `Memnalar

:faint:

I never actually finished this on time due to collegial insanity but I did the remainder of the haikus anyway because I hate leaving things incomplete.

Actually that's a big, fat lie. I'm the laziest sod on the planet and the only reason I finished this was because ~hassansagheer did this awesome version of 'Wish You Were Here' on GarageBand that just compelled me to write after ages. Here's to you, mon ami. :salute:

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconanavah:
`Anavah Jul 7, 2009, 3:37:19 AM
I'm glad I checked this, there is no link beside your icon in the Haikuthon list!

In No. 1 you could lost the 'long' in the second line and still retain the power of the image.

I really like the image of the metal against skin in No. 2.

I feel you could lose two of the on-off's in 3 and still impact the reader in the same way.

I'd avoid adjectives, like sedative, in No. 4, as library sounds are equated with such already.

No 5 is excellent. Wonderful imagery.

No 6 is very good as well.

I really enjoyed reading these. :)

--
No need to thank me for "Faves" or Watches; however, if you feel the need, please do so in my Shoutbox.

Thank you.
:iconelmara:
~Elmara Jul 7, 2009, 4:52:47 AM
Enh. Figures.

1: I kinda like the 'long' there because it signals the beginning of a highly er, anticipated experience, something you want to draw out as long as possible.

3: i read about the Repetition technique in ~sol article on haiku. Thought I'd give it a shot here. ^^;

4: point noted. :nod:

thanks very much and deeply appreciated. :salute:

--
what we choose is never what we really need


*VampireWriters|=PoetryPlease|*Writers-Workshop|=ScribeSanctuary
:iconanavah:
`Anavah Jul 7, 2009, 5:00:54 AM
Repetition is tricky and doesn't always work. In this case I feel it goes on a bit too much but that's just my personal opinion and preference.

--
No need to thank me for "Faves" or Watches; however, if you feel the need, please do so in my Shoutbox.

Thank you.
:iconpardonm3:
~pardonM3 Jul 7, 2009, 10:00:10 AM
Loving #2 like woah. :thumbsup:

And for #3, how 'bout a little condensation:

lamp switches on
-off on-off
unread textbooks.
:iconsaiun:
*saiun Jul 11, 2009, 6:48:57 AM
6 - juxtaposes natural and modern elements well.
10 - never thought of it this way. clever! =)
Previous Page123Next Page

Details

July 7
2.6 KB
9.8 KB
99×56

Statistics

27
8 [who?]
199 (1 today)
4 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy