Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

The Dream of the Attendant Ant by ~Elmara:iconElmara:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Sociopolitical > Open


These are worker ants-- warrior
insectslaves that laze, stretched out
upon such cultured grass, in this midday heat.

On their backs, they are shaded
shaded by this pine which is without
sneering pretensions. It knows--
these worker ants wearing no-color uniforms
of paid slaves, CAMPUS MAINTENANCE stenciled
across their backs are darkly thundering. They are
waiting; storm-clouds, pregnant
with recrimination. Thus, this petite pine
remains respectful, remains hidden

behind
tall, politely demure shrubbery;
remains hedged in by routinely
clipped-shaped leafy barriers
setting these working ants
against fresh-breathed scions
of Queens.
    (sporting designer-eyeglasses
    that render attendant insects invisible,
    casting empty McFlurry cups in their wake,
    “Jaani, her new Nokia is just too,
    TOO common don’t you think?”
    “Yaa, I mean, y’know, everyone’s
    khala has one now, yaar!”)

These ants-- they may throw
furtive glances from beneath
no-color, sweat-stained caps
at faces that have never known
lives of quiet desperation. They
may even dream of better lives
some day. But
    (shears snipping, snipsnip
    vicious strokes, violent snips
    rebel branches, greedy weeds
    falling dead at their feet)

no,
I suppose,
by now, even
worker ants- held
hostage by paycheck-
know better.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconelmara:

Author's Comments

EDIT: constrained to meet the submission criteria of ~boundpoems for April. No a, and or the used in my poem about the loss of hope for a better life. :faint:

Submitted to :iconfllnthblnk: 's 'It's All In The Details' workshop over at *Writers-Workshop

Some Urdu translation:
jaani= daaahling (as in jaaaani :D )
yaar= man, dude (slang; literally means 'friend' or ' pal' )
khala= maternal aunt

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconnomanno:
~NOmanNO Mar 14, 2009, 6:09:05 PM
Hahaha, I applaud the epic transformation of any maintenance staff. (My icon and lit. tag comes from a picture of me during a summer in which I worked maintenance for a camp.)
:iconpuremind:
~PureMind Mar 15, 2009, 3:53:47 AM
didnt u read the notes i made for your poem? I wrote them and put them in ur room :S

But anyway, an interesting piece. I'll have to absorb it before commenting...

--
Wash away our sins

*VampireWriters *PlagueConcilium
:iconnomanno:
~NOmanNO Mar 15, 2009, 11:10:49 AM
We were - THE MAINTENANCE MEN. We even had super-hero names, no joke, we talked like superheroes on our radios.
:icongrimeden:
*GrimEden Mar 20, 2009, 10:23:59 PM
My favorite parts of this poem are the parenthetical lines because they show more care for diction and syntax than the rest of the piece.

I wasn't engaged by the metaphor of people as ants, or the personification of the tree. In fact, I was most curious about where the omniscience of the tree stems from: a deity, or the narrator.

I was pulled in by the observations the narrator interjects. They're added because of a perceived worth to the musings, but they strike me as more interesting than the main narrative. There is something appealing in them like the true nature of the narrator is revealed in those qualifications/observations. They fell more authentic. They are detached from the philosophic musings, yet still benefit from being in that context.

I’m unsure how best to rectify my views – claiming I only like 10 lines – with the whole of the piece.

You know what, the parenthetical observations feel unpretentious and sincere, while I find the normal tone of the 3rd POV to be a little condescending and lacking emotion (objective description can be like that at times).

--
~D
:iconsafwanish:
~Safwanish Mar 21, 2009, 5:20:50 PM
Pretty interesting! Whats this? A Pakistani deviant? Quite rare one mam. We are a quite rare species, Aren't we? :hug:




`Safwan :hug:

--
This world is courtesy of my cynic perspective + beauty of optimism view. = Agnostic gay bastard! (H)
Previous Page123Next Page

Details

March 14
1.9 KB

Statistics

26
2 [who?]
255 (0 today)
3 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy